Lipstick On A Pig: 3 Fall Lipsticks For Denise


Last night my brother posted on my Facebook wall, saying he thinks Kermit’s new girlfriend looks like Natalie Dormer and then added this photo to the comments, for reference. WHAT. I was highly offended he didn’t think I already knew what DENISE looked like. I’d been discussing her all day. The scandal! The Internet has been saying she looks like a combo of Natalie Dormer, Olivia Wilde and Angelina Jolie and I agree.

While I feel bad for Miss Piggy, I have to admit I am here for ABC marketing executive Denise’s modern beauty vibes. With her beach-waved hair, sloe-eye/cat-eye liner that’s to die and chic gold jewelry (this Russian always appreciates a gilded anything), her beauty game is pretty much on lock. Here, 3 lipsticks Denise would love for fall.

8259533_fpxChantecaille Lip Chic In Daphne ($36, 

This brand is a favorite of fellow man stealer Angelina, who busted out one of its glosses at an awards show a few years back. Daphne is corporate enough for Denise’s gig at ABC, while offsetting perfectly her defined gaze, no?

s70680-main-hero-300Clinque Almost Lipstick in Black Honey ($17,

Beauty girls the world over have used this one since the ’90s, and I’d posit Denise would be no exception. It looks like MAC Fetish in the tube, but yields a sheer, berry-kissed wash of color in the most subtle, natural way. Unlike someone’s ham-fisted technique employed with the help of the late, great Joan Rivers.

download (1)Estee Lauder Pure Color Envy Matte Sculpting Lipstick in Covetous Nude ($30,

Applying makeup for an office crush is a delicate dance. Too much and everyone knows what you’re up to, especially if it’s a departure from the norm. But how can you not kick it up a notch when a certain frog is working with a certain ex-pig on a daily? Exactly. Enter the perfect creamy nude, rose-based enough not to wash Denise out, Kardashian enough to make a statement without saying a word (to paraphrase a certain perfume commercial circa 1989 we all know and loved).

Tell me all your thoughts on Denise. Go.

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