Carol's Column: Open Chest Follies

By Carol (my mother)

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I don’t know about you, but I am definitely experiencing open chest fatigue.  You know the look – nearly full frontal nudity, precariously framed by a wide V of fabric, plunging to the waist or thereabouts. Unflattering to most film stars, let alone to ordinary women, it is terrifying to think of this trend reaching critical mass – with the masses.

Bad enough for the likes of Amy Adams in “American Hustle,” in which a seriously misguided interpreter of 1970’s fashion had her breasts flapping in the breeze on city streets or lying saggingly open, in a Bizarro World take on office wear.  Hardly a tribute to Diane Von Furstenburg’s iconic wrap dress or to Halston’s elegant glamour. (By the way, Amy’s bosom was beautifully contained in that svelte, navy peplumed sheath she wore on Oscar night. Great look! )

lupitaLupita Nyong’o fared a bit better;  her chocolate skin glowed against that sky blue floating gown and her radiance was noteworthy . But even she would have been better advised to forego a style that, let’s face it, drew full attention to a flat, bony chest. [Editor's note: I completely disagree; I thought Lupita pulled this look off, despite having tiny tatas and a more defined sternum.] 

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Pink, in a tribute to Judy Garland and the Wizard of Oz, sang divinely but looked unappetizing in a ruby spangled dress that displayed her flattened boobs at a particularly unattractive angle. She topped this off, literally, with a very short flat-topped hairdo that brought to mind none other than Big Love’s Joel McKinnon Miller in his role as Bill Henrickson’s partner, Don Embry. Yes.  Don Embry in a dress. Why would she sign off on a look like this?  What was her stylist thinking? Beats me.

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One of the very few to carry off the “Wide Open” and to do so spectacularly, was Kate Hudson.  She looked sublime from head to toe in a gown that though open, was cunningly constructed, allowing for a rounded reveal that hit all the marks of beauty and true glamour.  Kudos to Kate and Versace for deftly avoiding vulgarity. Of course, it helps to have a small, well shaped poitrine.  And that’s the point.  This look is unforgiving.  Please, do not attempt it unless you are on the small side, bosom-wise, with perfect uplift, have an invitation to a show business awards ceremony, and choose a custom-fitted evening dress, preferably from a great designer.  Maybe then.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

2 Comments Carol's Column: Open Chest Follies

  1. Carol Katz

    Great to hear from you, Tamar! Let me be clear, I thought Lupita looked lovely but a bit like a little girl dressed up in Mommy’s evening gown. As for Pink’s hair, I have no objection to the cut — on a narrower face. However, if you’re square-jawed (as am I, by the way) you’re better off choosing a more flattering style. Even so, she might have rocked it wearing leather and zippers but dressed as an homage to Glinda the Good Witch? Really? Yes, let’s do turkey bacon (or turkey burgers) soon.,

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  2. tamar

    Carol, with all due respect, and you know I have nothing but respect for you, Lupita totally pulled off the entire lewk! She was stunning, ethereal, and if I had a chest that concave, I’d be wearing dresses with an entire frontal panel missing too, just for the eff of it. Totally agree about Pink, though she’s so athletically built that she seldom shies away from revealing tops because she doesn’t have that much to reveal. Agree that that dress wasn’t doing anything for her. Way too heavy. But shading Pink’s hair is one thing I simply won’t stand for. Happy to discuss any or all of these points over a turkey bacon sandwich at any time.

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