Five Rules For Life: E. Jean Carroll

Welcome to a meta edition of Five Rules For Life in which famed advice columnist E. Jean Carroll of ELLE shares even more advice with R18 readers! I’m a longtime reader of E’s, since she started the Ask E. Jean Column in the ’90s. I also own all of her books (“Hunter: The Strange And Savage Life Of Hunter S. Thompson” is a favorite) and am unapologetically a gigantic super fan of hers. Let’s face it, who ISN’T constantly tormented, driven witless AND whipsawed by confusion? Advice is her thing, so without further ado, here are Eeee’s rules in her own words.


E. Jean, with her dog, Lewis Carroll. Credit: Marilyn Johnson


  1. If you’re tired of waiting for the chap to propose, start introducing him as your fiancé… and never follow rules.
  1. If you want a promotion, ask for it, but never ask for rules, except for Rule #1.
  1. Do not speak spitefully about another woman, it gives men ideas, but always speak badly about rules, except for Rule #1 and Rule #2.
  1. Everything you eat in the dark  has zero calories, but following a rule ADDS calories, with the exception Rule #1, Rule #2, and Rule#3.
  1. Life is a joyful bloody riot staged between two eternities of snoring. Don’t waste it following rules, except for Rule #1, Rule #2, Rule #3, and Rule #4.

Thanks, E.! Stay tuned for more Five Rules installments.

 “Five Rules” is a series on Rouge18 in which I ask others to share their five rules for life about anything and everything. You can learn a lot about a person by reading which five things govern their actions, no? 

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