GIFt Guide For Madison Montgomery Of ‘American Horror Story’

BBJ 2009 holiday

 

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Madison Montgomery is my favorite American Horror Story: Coven witch. Girl’s got killer hair, God-given Julia Roberts features (she’s her niece) and man-slaying attitude for days. I was so deva when she was dead for five minutes. The Hollywood starlet loves beauty products of every ilk and is, essentially, so vain she thinks every song’s about her. Here’s what she wants for the holidays. Continue reading

Holiday Gift Guide: ‘Homeland”s Saul Berenson Edition

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My brother and I have the hardest time watching Homeland because Mandy Patinkin looks EXACTLY like our father, but slightly younger. Observe. Because my dad actually has an irritating habit of standing directly in front of the television, when he materializes on-screen, it’s almost like he’s doing THAT. And it’s like, DAD, get off the TV, slash, you’re not in the CIA. Stop being the worst to Carrie. You know? Saul is nebbishy, smart, doesn’t spend a ton of time at home, so he needs creature comforts more than most and let’s be real with each other: It takes a village to manage that beard. Here’s what to get the Saul in your life (and what I’m getting for the very important Saul in mine).

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Holiday Gift Guide: Jessa Of ‘Girls’ Edition

BBJ 2009 holiday

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Every time I have sex, it’s MY choice. And if I wanted to go on some dates, I would. But I don’t. Because they’re for lesbians.- Jessa

Girls’ Jessa Johansson is the kind of girl who rocks a geisha-inspired ‘do with oxblood lips and a bathrobe inexplicably on a date with her ex-boyfriend who has a girlfriend. She’s one part hippie, two parts natural beauty and one part DGAF. She’ll get into your bath with you and then snot-rocket in there. (That’s the DGAF part.) Here’s what she’d like for the holidays. Continue reading

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Holiday Gift Guide: 'How I Met Your Mother”s Barney Stinson Edition

BBJ 2009 holiday

 

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The Barney Stinson in your life is legend (wait for it)-ary, looks epic in a suit, bows to anything wearing a hat (“THE GENTLEMAN!”) and manages to hold down a job where he does little and gets paid a strange amount and also… one that not one of his close-knit crew understands. Barney types tend to buy themselves whatever toys they fancy, but here’s what he could use.

10854066-1379665179-783197Elemis The Art Of Traveling For Men ($80)

Barney requires a little luxury when he travels, and this luxe bag containing a shave gel, shower gel, body wash and facial wash will keep his skin in perfect, metrosexual shape.

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Holiday Gift Guide: Don Draper Edition

BBJ 2009 holiday

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The major loss of my generation isn’t that men currently wear more hair product than the women do. It isn’t that we have to settle for romance “curated” from months of flirty messages leading to IRL dates with a guy who forgot to mention that he’s five foot two. No. The major loss is that men like Don Draper are extinct, though I recognize he’s a complex character and a god-awful husband–but know what? He’s an actual factual MAN, the likes of which I haven’t seen in far too long. I love that Don Draper, despite the fact that he’d say that “By love [I] mean big lightning bolts to the heart, where you can’t eat and you can’t work, and you just run off and get married and make babies. The reason you haven’t felt is because it doesn’t exist. What [I]  call love was invented by guys like me…to sell nylons.” He drinks his liquor neat (something brown, always), his hair game is always groomed (likely Brill Cream, a little dab’ll do ya; most likely a client of SCDP) and he looks like he smells of expensive high rise, Camel Lights and secret sex. Here’s what to get him for the holidays. Continue reading

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