Fictionary: Poreder

Fictionary is a column showcasing beauty-related words that don’t exist, but should.
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My pores are… Proustian. They are from Philadelphia, as are Boys II Men, which explains why it’s so hard for them to say goodbye to yesterday. You know, if “yesterday” were a euphemism for pore-innards, sebum and blackhead gunk. Exfoliating them constantly is key to ensuring they won’t pore-d, i.e., hang onto these clogs in the manner of A&E’s most extreme case. BUT, my current strategy to rid them of their possessions has been working. Here, the best solutions for poreders.

Dermalogica Clear Start Cooling Mask ($24) Eradicates redness, cools and refreshes while salicylic acid cleans out pores. This mask is perfect for after the beach or after an especially sweaty workout while you’re in the shower. Another

Biologique Recherche Lotion P50 1970 ($59) This stuff costs the earth, but I love it. And I’m buying it myself, this was no press sample. Know that it smells exactly like Chloroseptic. Know that even leaving the soiled cotton pad in your bathroom trashcan will make it a hotbed of Vick’s Vapor Rub every time you walk in it until you realize you must dispose of your used cotton balls immediately, much in the manner of a bio hazard chemistry lab. But the minty-on-my-face sensation takes me back to the days of Noxzema yore, when a blast of refreshing coolness made my face spic and span. This stuff is magic. My pores are less visible, my blackheads are a thing of the past and even a curling iron incident on my jawline from last week is already faded to nearly nothing. Get involved, NOW.

Clinique Sonic System Purifying Cleansing Brush ($90, new brush heads retail for $26) If a clogged T-zone is your concern, this is the gadget for you. Its angled tip packed with denser bristles allows you to push a bit harder to clean those areas more rigorously and its Swiss-engineered design makes it easier to use. Clinique recommends pairing it with their famed 3-step system, of which I’m a longtime fan — but there won’t be a citizen’s arrest if you pair it with your regularly scheduled cleanser or exfoliator. Its bristles are silver to prevent the growth of micro-organisms (gross but it happens) as the device will most likely be kept in the perfect bacteria breeding ground: a damp, warm bathroom.Fun fact: Clinique scientists worked closely with Dr. David and Dr. Catherine Orentreich in the same Fifth Avenue office where the original 3-Step Skin Care System was developed by Dr. Norman Orentreich. The latter invented the Buf-Puf, by the way, a MAJOR staple of my ’90s regimen.

Are you a victim of poreders? Tell me: What are you using to clear your pores?

 

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