Fictionary: Guerrilla Porefare

Fictionary is a column showcasing beauty-related words that don’t exist, but should.

Let’s discuss pores and their vile, vulgar innards with which we cannot wait to dispense, am I right? I mean, a gal will do anything to be able to launch guerrilla porefare on her face when it’s just been too long since she’s had a thorough facial.

Remember in Orange Is The New Black (I know, I’m so July 2013 even referencing it) when Red says that magical chicken came to her in a dream and she wants some freshly killed, not-processed chicken Kiev (this Russian feels her–my grandmother’s recipe hilariously hails from a Playboy issue and she cooks it every year for my birthday), and promises a box of Bioré strips to anyone who can bag the bird? THAT COMMITMENT TO BLACKHEAD REMOVAL IS REAL AND DEEP, dolls. To that end, I’d like to share my own pore de-clogging miracle workers.

orlane set

Orlane Absolute Skin Recovery Mask ($90 at
My new Fashion Week staple, this ten-minute mask is my savior. If I wake up looking like Courtney Love on a bender (it happens more often than I care to admit during the lack of zzzs most of us get during F dubs), I just apply a thick layer, leave it on for ten minutes and then rinse it off before applying makeup. My gal M-L even recommends rocking it underneath makeup for extra radiance. 

Origins Clear Improvement Active Charcoal Mask ($24 at
I’ve used this mask FOREVER and for good reason. Did you know that charcoal is so good at absorbing toxins that it’s even administered internally in emergency rooms to patients who have ingested poisonous substances? Also, a quick application pre-shower means you’ll emerge clean and with cleaner pores. 

Clarisonic Deep Pore Detoxifying Solution Collection ($170 at
This brush head is a game changer. For me, the sensitive one didn’t have that get-all-up-in-my-pores blasting capabilities I need when my sebum is at defcon 1 levels of bad, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down. Using it once a week on my cheeks (my most acne-prone area) has helped with the cystic acne that tends to establish residency there. Be mindful that it may not be fore you if you have very sensitive skin, but if you don’t, GET this new Mia set. 

Are you partaking in guerrilla porefare regarding your skin? Tell me your ammo (glammo) in the comments.

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