Eff Off, AARP. Slash Pass The Avon.

This post is sponsored by Avon, but all opinons are my own. 


Yesterday was not the best. Some of its gems include: 


I was at an event yesterday thrown by my friend Yuli (whose wedding I’m attending in Greece next week–YAY for that) and was talking about the festivities when her business partner came over and started asking me all about my impending nuptials… because somehow he’d misheard that we were talking about YULI’S wedding. Whom he works with every day. Did I mention that my birthday is next week? I’m not discussing how old I’ll be. I’m having a panic attack about it that’s closer to the Rain Man-not-getting-home-in-time-for-Wapner end of the scale than the WASPY Lucille Bluth method of dealing with it by numbing herself with several dirty martinis. More on that later. 

I attended an event at the Kensie showroom (divine reasonably priced jewelry, BTW) and decided to talk to the Taro reader there for kicks who told me that not one but TWO of the cards indicated my pessimistic attitude toward dating. 

After two events and a Flywheel class during which my hair tie broke and I had to MacGuyver it on my hair to hold any of it away from my face while in position 1, I came home gasping for air in the humid 90-degree heat and felt the need for a people cleanse. I got my mail… and in my inbox is an APPLICATION FOR AN AARP SUBSCRIPTION. And I was like, you know what? That’s it. I’m 32. Fuming, I sent @AARP a caustic tweet and they apologized. 

It’s a full day later but I cannot stop slathering on Avon’s Youth Restoring trio, which includes a night cream, day cream and anti-wrinkle eye roller. Obviously. As if I could. Ever. In a world where we live as people. I’ve been rocking it for the past week (although once-hourly applications between last night and tonight have made my skin’s texture look positively Abigail Breslin-esque.) The two creams boast elegant textures (the day cream is formulated with SPF so you’ll stave off AARP for years and years to come) and sink in immediately. The products are infused with Amethyst Mineral Complex to impart a younger and healthier look by fading the appearance of fine lines. I love that it doesn’t freak out my sensitive skin but does yeoman’s hydration duty. 

Each piece retails for $12 at shop.avon.com. Are you in the market to up your anti-aging game? ALSO HAS AARP WRONGLY SENT YOU MAIL? Share Horowitz in the comments. Go.  

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9 Comments Eff Off, AARP. Slash Pass The Avon.

  1. Lianne

    Glamb!!! They have been trying to send me a fracking AARP ID Card ever since I turned 40. Ummm your off by about 10 years I’d say. Undaunted…they relentlessly continue every year.

    Reply
  2. Lauren

    Well I’m older than all you all and I got an email from AARP on my G-damn birthday a little over a week ago! I wanted to slit my wrists. I thought I was fighting the good fight and then BAM! I was knocked down a ton of notches. But I got back on my feet and put on my favorite “I could be too old to rock this” outfit, flipped my hair back and my middle finger up. F U AARP!

    Reply
  3. annie

    Oh Amber. You are hilarious and brilliant. Just wait until you’re of “advanced maternal age,” like me. Pass the Geritol.

    Reply
  4. Elke

    I don’t know which is worse. When you get the email when you’re OBVIOUSLY too young for it, OR you get the email BECAUSE you are the right age.. sigh… a no win situation I think….

    Reply
  5. Oceans11

    I wouldn’t feel too bad about it everyone. I think in this “day and age”, companies like AARP take a gamble that you are still living with your parents in their basement. They hope that you will just pass it on to them. It’s a numbers game ;-)

    On a side-note for AVON, if you watched the last episode of MAD MEN, they received a PRIMO mention and it looks like they might be a big topic of conversation in the coming episodes. Go AVON!

    Reply
  6. Carrie from Talking In Space

    Sweet heavens, so glad I am not the only one! I am 36 and started getting AARP applications and related materials about a year ago. I think they finally got the point that I am not eligible. Or that I hate them. Either way, I am getting less invitations to buy Life Alert necklaces and those tubs with a door.

    Reply
  7. Amber Katz

    ALY! I know you feel me. Thank you for your sweet comment. I have many requests for Athena. Looking into this now. I’m reacquainting myself with Greek mythology so I’ll be prepared for all the statuesque hunks I’m about to meet. xx

    Reply
  8. Aly

    omg. i love you. this is HILARIOUS – but i know, also, terrible. (i’ve totally gotten AARP mail too – and, ex post facto, years ago, my mom didn’t speak to my dad for DAYS because he achieved AARP status before her, and got her a membership card too. and he’s like “i’m a member, you are a member!” and she’s like “NO, I’M JUST A SPOUSE.” anyway, I am older than you! Enjoy the slight bit of youth you have left while you can. (and happy almost birthday, which you will spend in Greece – where you can go to the Palace of Athena and she will make you 22 again! If you even want that. 22 kind of sucked for me.) <3 you!

    Reply

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